I wish you were here…

 

IMG_20160615_185859.jpgDearest Appaji,

How are you? It’s been a while since I have been thinking of writing this letter to you. I know it’s quite unnecessary as I talk to you almost everyday and it is weird am writing it in English and not in Kannada, sorry about that. Maybe someday I shall learn to and yes start to read kannada books too. 🙂 I am sure you would have made good friends there, discussing books, literature and us. We miss you as much too and know you are always around us, looking after and guiding us through.

There is soo much I want to tell you appaji but more so want to hear you back. It’s been soo long but it seems like yesterday, you went on to make new friends in another world but with an assurance to be around us always. Thank you for always being around. I am to step into a new journey in my life and I can’t tell you how much I wish you were here. In real. I want to tell you, how thankful I am for this life and how happy, proud I am to have been born as your daughter. It’s amma and you, because of whom I am the way I am. Not blaming you two for how stubborn and irritatingly outspoken I am at times ;), but for the confident, independent woman that I am today and with the ideals, principles I have inbuilt in me.

You have taught me soo much appaji and continue to do so even now, like a guardian angel who stands over and applauds for every success of mine, picking me up every time I fall down. The way you introduced me to books, stories, words and eased their existence into my life making them such a strong part of me. You showed me how important family, relationships are by not really saying it out but showing it in each of your actions. As I watched you read, speak passionately about a subject or hear you giving a speech, I realized the power of words, of a person and how they could inspire someone, change something. How humility and kindness are two wonderful traits a person could have. By being an amazing father, you taught how to love children and I think of you as I play with adith. How we could teach him everything but not really telling it but by showing it and being all that ourselves.

This new phase of life is around the corner and I wish you were here to celebrate it, enjoy it and not to forget, take all my tantrums that amma takes it now. Things would have been different know appaji, were you here. I am sorry we aren’t taking care of your wife as well as you did. We love her as much but just give away our childishness at times. I wish you could meet ‘him’ appaji. Am sure you would have loved ‘him’ and happily given me away, knowing he loved and cherished me as much. But you know am a bit glad you can’t give me away because I am going to take me with you. Would you be there all the time during all these functions and everything that is going to happen, holding my hand and maybe laughing at me for all the things I would be made? Also ganging up with amma as she teases me on everything? Would you support me as I fight to get my way in things? I remember as a kid, I would play this game, where it would be like I am leaving and hug you tight enacting to cry and say bye(yes. All the time we had guests at home in hubli, this is why I hugged you 😉 ) Would you tell me this time that all of you are coming with me and am not leaving anywhere?

Am sure you will. I love you appaji, more than I can ever say to you or to anyone else. I shall always be the kid who loves to cuddle up on her father’s tummy and hear it make all sorts of noise. I am excited about this new journey appaji. Stay with me…

Lovingingly,

Motu..

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